Soundtracks

Brush Your Teeth: 10 Greatest Dentist Songs


The Dentist – the man (or woman) you see when you want to get poked with metal objects, have teeth ripped from your face and be shamed for not taking care of your pearly whites. Recently I had to have a root canal which absolutely sucked, but it got me thinking.

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As I sat in the chair listening to my iPod on shuffle while high on Tylenol 3 and frozen to the point that I couldn’t feel my face, it made me think about all the songs out there having to do with teeth and the dentist. Considering I have to go back one more time, I seriously put some thought into it so I’d have the perfect list of dentist friendly tracks to blast as he drilled away into the deepest part of my face. He thought it was a funny idea, so here’s what I came up with: 10 Songs about the Dentist.

1. The Queers – Brush Your Teeth
If you’d just listen to the Queers, you might not be there in the first place.

2. Alice Cooper – Unfinished Sweet
The mother of all teeth-related rock and roll, when Alice and the boys did this track live, they’d cart a giant cavity ridden tooth out on stage. Of course, Alice would brush the shit out of that thing.

3. Steve Martin – The Dentist Song
This song isn’t totally accurate as my dentist is actually a great guy. But, the old school generalization of dentists everywhere is hilarious on this classic track from Little Shop of Horrors.

4. Green Day – Geek Stink Breath
The perfect 90’s punk anthem about pulling out teeth, the music video actually features the band, as well as a gentleman getting his tooth pulled for real.

5. Megadeth – Skin O’ My Teeth
By this point in the procedure, some Megadeth will be useful. This is when the heavy drilling will begin.

6. Motley Crue – Punched In The Teeth By Love
The drilling and sawing will continue, so it’s good to keep the metal cranked. It really will feel like you were punched in the teeth by the end of it.

7. Marilyn Manson – Sweet Tooth
By this point in the procedure, you will feel like you are in Hell. Good thing Marilyn Manson is there to hold your hand.

8. Dokken – Tooth and Nail
The drilling is done, but it’s time to poke around some more. It’s almost unbearable, but this track from Dokken will give you the fire you need to survive.

9. Steely Dan – Your Gold Teeth
Alas, almost done. Steely Dan will relax you after an hour of torturous poking and drilling with their cool jazz vibes and blues undertones.

10. Daniel Johnston – Since I Lost My Tooth
Roll credits.

So next time you hit the dentist, try out some of these tunes. Music really makes the entire ordeal much more bearable. Any I missed? COMMENT BELOW!

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